Since walking away from Christianity, I haven’t often thought about complaining. Within the church, you hear many sermons about a complaining heart. Outside if it, not so much. So it’s genuinely been a few years since I’ve thought seriously about the effects of intentionally trying not to talk about the negativity in my soul.
I’m realizing I ought to.
I took a nap today after I got home from work, and when I woke up my stomach was twisted into knots, remembering a conversation or two from the last few days.
A complainer does not a good leader make.
I’m supposed to be a leader now.
And I have not had a filter on.
Nor have I tried to even hold back the negative thoughts.
I’m tired. I’m stressed. I have a lot on my plate. I disagree with some things going on. I feel like I don’t have enough information. I feel like I don’t have enough hours in my day or days in my week. So I word vomit.
When I was part of the church, I would occasionally try to go for periods of time being intentionally thankful or actively trying not to complain. Inevitably, at the end of the timeframe, I would slowly slip back into old habits. But it was refreshing. It gave me a different perspective on life.
I kind of really need that right now.
Life ain’t simple right now.
But I can be.
When I graduated from college, a girl a few years older than me who’d mentored me in high school sent me a few links to read over. Some were free online courses. Some were news sources. One was a blog about simplicity and the art of being free. I shrugged the last one off – my life was fine, I thought.
Now I’m not so sure.
I need a reset button.
I need a reset button on my attitude.
I need to take a few hours and sort out my priorities in order to most effectively accomplish tasks.
I need to know when to approach things and when to delegate.
I need to know how to thank people for their work.
I need to be able to take responsibility and criticism.
I need to be able to let go of my anger and frustration.
I need to be able to get on a schedule so I don’t break down in tears because I haven’t eaten in ten hours.
I need to be able to sleep effectively so I’m not distracted by exhaustion.
I need to be able to listen.
I need to learn.
72 hours. That’s my goal.
The next 72 hours, I want to keep my tongue in check.
I want to keep my mind in check and pause when I start to become negative.
I need to reprioritize my life.
I need to sort it out.
Let me to a life reset.
Let me have a do over.