Posted in Changes, Growing Up, Lessons from the Church, The Barista

on the heart of complaining

Since walking away from Christianity, I haven’t often thought about complaining. Within the church, you hear many sermons about a complaining heart. Outside if it, not so much. So it’s genuinely been a few years since I’ve thought seriously about the effects of intentionally trying not to talk about the negativity in my soul.

I’m realizing I ought to.

I took a nap today after I got home from work, and when I woke up my stomach was twisted into knots, remembering a conversation or two from the last few days.

A complainer does not a good leader make.

I’m supposed to be a leader now.

And I have not had a filter on.

Nor have I tried to even hold back the negative thoughts.

I’m tired. I’m stressed. I have a lot on my plate. I disagree with some things going on. I feel like I don’t have enough information. I feel like I don’t have enough hours in my day or days in my week. So I word vomit.

When I was part of the church, I would occasionally try to go for periods of time being intentionally thankful or actively trying not to complain. Inevitably, at the end of the timeframe, I would slowly slip back into old habits. But it was refreshing. It gave me a different perspective on life.

I kind of really need that right now.

Life ain’t simple right now.

But I can be.

When I graduated from college, a girl a few years older than me who’d mentored me in high school sent me a few links to read over. Some were free online courses. Some were news sources. One was a blog about simplicity and the art of being free. I shrugged the last one off – my life was fine, I thought.

Now I’m not so sure.

I need a reset button.

I need a reset button on my attitude.

I need to take a few hours and sort out my priorities in order to most effectively accomplish tasks.

I need to know when to approach things and when to delegate.

I need to know how to thank people for their work.

I need to be able to take responsibility and criticism.

I need to be able to let go of my anger and frustration.

I need to be able to get on a schedule so I don’t break down in tears because I haven’t eaten in ten hours.

I need to be able to sleep effectively so I’m not distracted by exhaustion.

I need to be able to listen.

Listen.

Listen.

I need to learn.

72 hours. That’s my goal.

The next 72 hours, I want to keep my tongue in check.

I want to keep my mind in check and pause when I start to become negative.

I need to reprioritize my life.

I need to sort it out.

72 hours.

Let me to a life reset.

Let me have a do over.

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Author:

I'm a small town girl, loving big cities and isolated mountains. I befriend every third person I meet, and then hide for hours trying to get my energy back. I'm a barista, a nomad, a college grad. I'm a twentysomething getting lost and finding myself again. It's a little crazy, but I kinda like this thing called life.

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